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Hi ya’ll, The Kinky Virgin here.

I know that anonymity is for cowards, which is why I’m employing it. Hopefully after reading this entry you won’t hold that against me.

I was raised in lovely, sunny, conservative Orange County by two fundamentalist Christians. My parents are obviously not hicks–my mom did a year of a Master’s and my dad got his law degree; they are successful, middle-class parents with a great 30-year marriage and a California ranch house. They read the papers, enjoy museums and theater (okay, musicals, but close), and talk about politics and religion constantly. They also put a Proposition 8 sign in their lawn, believe in the infallibility of the Bible, don’t drink, don’t swear, and were virgins when they got married. These people exist. They are “Evangelicals.”

I grew up with the whole kit and caboodle. I went to Sunday school and youth group, where I was told all about the “slippery slope” of too-passionate kissing. When I was 14, I went to a purity conference (women only–obviously) where we heard horror stories and redemption stories and talked about how sex-obsessed all men were and how vigilant we had to be lest we blink and they stick in it. We ended the weekend by writing a letter to our future husband, telling him how we’d made a promise to remain virgins until marriage as freshmen women, and weren’t they lucky we’d kept it! We then wrapped up this letter in a box with wedding present gift wrap. We also got a discount to buy “purity rings,” to wear on our left hand ring finger as constant reminders. I stupidly got a single pearl ring, and dealt with engagement questions for the rest of high school.

I’ll just give you a second to let all that sink in.

Now. How did I get here? “Here” means a woman with a fuck buddy and a vibrator. “Here” means a woman who watches porn and enjoys masturbating and likes her sex a little rough. “Here” means a woman on birth control who just discovered the joys of explicit sexting and is kink-friendly. “Here” also means a woman who is close to the aforementioned parents, and goes to church regularly. “Here” is complicated.

I’m writing this because my close friends have suggested it as 1) a sort of therapeutic working out, and 2) a voyeuristic opportunity for people who don’t come from bat-shit conservative backgrounds and who learned all this stuff from their awesome liberal parents. It’s also my place to share my enthusiasm for things that it seems that everyone else discovered 50 years ago.

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