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So, apparently, I’m a bottom

8 July 2012

Alright boys and girls, it’s time to get down to some real shit.

As I will tell anyone who stands still long enough, I am a feminist. I think our society is deeply misogynistic and sexist, and I want women to (and I choose this word purposefully) penetrate all the strata of eliteness and boys’ clubs. Seriously, I’d like to carpet-bomb Wall Street with a bunch of kickass dykes.

Image

Picked as “Hottest queerest woman” by Autostraddle this year.

When watching porn (which is for another post), I didn’t really go for the Femdom stuff. Hell, at that point it was more about mechanics for me. “Oh, that’s what 69 looks like!”

You get the gist.

But I did notice that I don’t particularly love watching women give blowjobs, I hate videos when the women don’t even pretend to come, and after one or two adventures I stayed away from public humiliation and gang bang scenes.

None of this is that surprising; there are plenty of women who enjoy this stuff (and you go, girl!) but coupled with my dominant personality and feminist politics I naturally assumed I’d be a top in bed.

But, apparently, I’m a bottom.

I should have seen this coming. I saw the SATC episode where Miranda’s all “When he orders me around in life, it drives me crazy. But when he orders me around in bed, it really drives me crazy. It’s totally hot!” But there is nothing like sex: life isn’t like it, tv shows aren’t like it, apparently even getting off by myself to porn isn’t like it.

I forget a lot of stuff; I think my bad memory can actually be a great thing for my peace of mind. But I’ll never forget the moment I first realized how instinctive my bottomness seems to be. He was banging away at me, doggy style (he’s an ass man…) and it was probably our 5th time doing it or so. All of a sudden, I got this urge to throw my arms behind my back and cross them, straightjacket style. I didn’t want to have my hands free, and since we were already going at it I was going to have to tell him that with actions, not a reasoned “So, what do you think about restraint?” He took my cue, like a gentleman, and grabbed them, then, for good measure, got a solid fistful of my hair and jerked my head back. I fucking loved it.

Recently I’ve been wanting to try tying my arms to the bedposts. Domination works for him, although apparently being dominated works for me even more, so I’m hoping to get on that hotness soon.

Looks fun, right?

It doesn’t stop there. I’ve found that I actually quite like giving head. He doesn’t let me do it enough because he wants to get to the main act! I wouldn’t mind going down on him more; I want to try being facefucked, but I think I’ll really have to coax that one out of him. My “Let’s see if I like it!” mentality makes for an interesting, if somewhat schizophrenic, sex life.

And then, he came on my face. We had talked about it before. Well, sexted. And I didn’t feel degraded at all! Or maybe I did, and that was hidden under how hot it felt for both of us–maybe feeling degraded was what made it hot.

So what’s a liberal, feminist, graduate degree woman supposed to do with herself? I probably would have had some mental issues with all of this if I hadn’t done all my kinky virgin research first. I didn’t expect to like this shit, but I wasn’t freaked out when I did. FB1 told me a saying that sounds spot on to me: “Everything in the world is about sex. Except sex, which is about power.” And, apparently, nothing turns me on more than handing someone else the power that I demand wielding like a clumsy caveman club every day. Who woulda thunk?

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. 8 July 2012 17:11

    All I have to say is, “Amen, sister…preach on!” 🙂

    • thekinkyvirgin permalink*
      16 July 2012 07:13

      Thanks, Kayla! Strength in solidarity, and all that.

  2. 9 July 2012 07:29

    I’m just the same! Except I like dominating men, too. I even like being humiliated and fantasise about being forced to wet/poop myself, wear nappies, be tortured, raped and forced into prostitution etc. I worry about giving blowjobs though, as I’ve never done it, being a virgin. Cos what if it tastes bad?

  3. 9 July 2012 07:43

    I’m getting increasingly worried about the taste, because although I initially refused to do this to the man who’s buying my virginity, I have told him I’ll do it if he can sucessfully get me to reveal five pre-arranged pieces of ‘intelligence’ under torture. I really think it will taste bad if he comes in my mouth which hopefully won’t happen but what if it does?? But yeah I suppose I like to be degraded just like you. I don’t think bondage is a big kink of mine, though. I see it more as a stage-setting thing or accessory to spanking.

    • thekinkyvirgin permalink*
      16 July 2012 07:17

      So, what’d you think? Salty but not bad, in my opinion. It’s weird / fun how everything that seems gross when you’re not turned on is highly arousing when you’re turned on, at least for me.

      I’m sure I have other kinks, and I want to find them!

  4. Juan Blackman permalink
    9 July 2012 15:28

    That’s usually how it goes down lol—women who crave power, crave even more powerful men….

    • thekinkyvirgin permalink*
      16 July 2012 07:19

      I’m not sure about other women, I can only speak to my own experience. The other part, though, is that I can’t stand alpha men in everyday life–they bug the shit out of me. Like the song says, “I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed!” I guess I want a feminist partner in the streets but a dom in the bed! Oh, the contradictions…

      • Juan Blackman permalink
        20 July 2012 16:36

        Ahhhhh! You ever thought about getting a dom? That way you get an alpha male only when you want one. You can treat the ultra macho guys like dirt and then get punished for it later….hmmm

  5. thekinkyvirgin permalink*
    25 July 2012 12:53

    oooOOOooo. Good suggestion! I’ll look into it…

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