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3 April 2012

Hi ya’ll, The Kinky Virgin here.

I know that anonymity is for cowards, which is why I’m employing it. Hopefully after reading this entry you won’t hold that against me.

I was raised in lovely, sunny, conservative, suburban Orange County by two fundamentalist Christians.

My parents are obviously not hicks–my mom did a year of a Master’s and my dad got his law degree; they are successful, middle-class parents with a great 30-year marriage and a California ranch house. They read the papers, enjoy museums and theater (okay, musicals, but close), and talk about politics and religion constantly. They also put a Proposition 8 sign in their lawn, believe in the infallibility of the Bible, don’t drink, don’t swear, and were virgins when they got married. These people exist. They are “Evangelicals.”

I grew up with the whole kit and caboodle. I went to Sunday school and youth group, where I was told all about the “slippery slope” of too-passionate kissing. When I was 14, I went to a purity conference (women only–obviously) where we heard horror stories and talked about how sex-obsessed all men were and how vigilant we had to be lest we blink and they stick in it. We ended the weekend by writing a letter to our future husband, telling him how we’d made a promise to remain virgins until marriage as freshmen women, and wasn’t he lucky we’d kept it! We then placed this letter in a box and covered it with wedding wrapping paper. We also got a discount to buy “purity rings,” to wear on our left hand ring finger as constant reminders. I stupidly got a single pearl ring, and dealt with engagement questions for the rest of high school.

I’ll just give you a second to let all that sink in.

Now. How did I get here? “Here” means a woman with a fuck buddy and a vibrator. “Here” means a woman who watches porn and enjoys masturbating and likes her sex a little rough. “Here” means a woman on birth control who just discovered the joys of explicit sexting and is kink-friendly. “Here” also means a woman who is close to the aforementioned parents, and goes to church regularly. “Here” is complicated.

I’m writing this because my close friends have suggested it as 1) a sort of therapeutic working out, and 2) a voyeuristic opportunity for people who don’t come from bat-shit conservative backgrounds and who learned all this stuff from their awesome liberal parents. It’s also my place to share my enthusiasm for things that it seems that everyone else discovered 50 years ago.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 23 June 2012 05:26

    Hi Kinky Virgin, I had a conservative upbringing too – not nearly as conservative as yours, though 🙂 But I was expected to wait, not necessarily for my wedding day, but for a man I was in love with and committed to. I’m half Asian. That should tell you everything. Anyway, I recently turned 22 and am a virgin, and I’m selling my virginity to this guy who’s twice my age and is rich, not too bad-looking though. I’ve read your blog and I recognise a lot of myself in what you write. It’s funny and interesting, keep posting!

  2. thekinkyvirgin permalink*
    8 July 2012 14:05

    Thanks so much, Fieara! I appreciate the support. It’s been really great to have a place to work through all this lingering dysfunctionality.

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